A trilogy of poems
by Daisy Brambleburr
Summary: A trilogy of most excellent poems, including 'A poem for rabid fangirls everywhere', 'Of Gollum' and 'Being Short', condensed into just one handy volume. Genius!
1. A poem for rabid fangirls everywhere

Authors Note: So sorry if any of you are mortally offended by the following poem! I have no problem if you are hopelessly in love with the darling elf, but I hate it when good ol' Mary Sue falls conveniently into Middle Earth and makes poor Legolas fall in love with her. Personally, I have had my fill of those type of fics!   
Please review (or flame if you feel it is necessary).   
Disclaimer: All LOTR related stuff is Tolkiens and Mary Sues belong to whatever fool invented them!   
Other two poems to be uploaded shortly.  
  
*  
A poem for rabid fan-girls everywhere  
*  
  
"Legolas! Leggy!"  
The rabid girls scream.  
"Your boots are so brown,  
and your tunic is green."  
  
They cry and they yell,  
And they weep and they pout.  
"We love you so Leggy!"'  
The fan-girls squeal out.  
  
They drool over photos,  
For weeks and for days.  
They are entranced by his hair,  
and his steely blue gaze.  
  
"But he cannot be mine,  
For all I am worth.  
But where can I meet him?  
Of course! Middle Earth!"  
  
The fan-girls they sit,  
And they type and they write.  
A story in which,  
Lego finds them that night.  
  
It's that old Mary Sue,  
She's emerging again.  
The fan-girl can't have him,  
So Mary will reign!  
  
They fall deeply in love,  
'Neath the boughs of the wood.  
Leggy pledges himself,  
As every elf should.  
  
The fan-girl is happy,  
Her plan reigns supreme.  
She has put into words,  
Her ultimate dream.  
  
But people like me,  
Tire of drivel and sap.  
So I know you mean well,  
but your stories are crap! 


	2. Of Gollum

Of Gollum  
  
In a dark, dank cave that nobody knew  
  
Lived a creature named Gollum, evil all the way through.  
  
He murdered, he stole, he tricked and he lied.  
  
He spent all of his time inside,  
  
For he hated the sun, he hated the light,  
  
So he stayed in his cave, for it was too bright..   
  
But he cannot help being evil and bad,  
  
It was the ring, you see, it drove him mad.  
  
He was with his friend Deagol, out in a boat,  
  
When Deagol found the ring, Gollum strangled his throat,  
  
Because Gollum was jealous, and he sulked and he sniffed,  
  
Then he stole it away for his "birthday gift".  
  
Gollum lived in his cave, wild and alone,  
  
Until someone unexpected stumbled into his home.  
  
Gollum was bored, and he liked to bet,  
  
So he challenged some riddles to a hobbit he met.  
  
But Alas! He lost, but not just the game,  
  
His precious had gone, and he knew whom to blame.  
  
Gollum was angry, and maddened with grief.  
  
"It is gone, it is gone, Baggins is thief!  
  
He has taken my precious, he has stolen my ring,  
  
Baggins is tricksy, horrible thing!"  
  
For the want of his precious, Gollum ventured outside,  
  
He braved the sunlight that he couldn't abide.  
  
Because of the ring, and its terrible power  
  
The soul of Gollum it will continually devour.  
  
And it will never cease, not now, and not soon,  
  
But when he falls to his death in the cracks of Mount Doom. 


	3. Being Short

Authors Note: This is the last poem in my trilogy. Thanks to my reviewers, (remember more are always welcome!)  
  
*  
Being Short  
*  
  
When I'm in my hobbit home,  
I feel quite tall when I'm alone.  
But then Gandalf comes along,  
And he's standing in the throng,  
And he's towering above me,  
And I'm short.  
  
When we are at the Inn in Bree,  
And a man stands right near me,  
It strikes me that he's very tall,  
They all are really, I recall.  
I can only see his kneecaps,  
And I'm short.  
  
When you're standing with an elf,  
It makes you shrink within yourself.  
And it sucks, I can tell,  
When we go to Rivendell,  
And all the elves are there  
And we're short.  
  
When you're in an open moor  
And your heads close to the floor  
Then it starts to rain and snow  
But you are the last to know!  
So perhaps it's not so bad,  
Being short. 


End file.
